thehappyfangirl | NCIS Fic

Fandom: NCIS
Title: Authenticity
Rating: PG
Category: Humor.
Genre: Gen
Summary: Tony assembles the team for a very important Saturday-morning mission; who knew so much could be learned in line?
Spoilers: None
Disclaimer: These characters belong to DPB, CBS, Paramount, et al. No copyright infringement is intended.

This made me laugh as I was writing it - I hope you like it too!

**********************
"Abby, you gotta get down here."

"Tony? I can barely hear you."

"Just get down here. Six hundred Fourteenth Street Northwest, as soon as you can. The line's already crazy and it's not even eight a.m. yet."

"What are you doing at a bookstore?"

"Just get here!"

**

"Abby, did Tony just call you?"

"You too? You going?"

"I was just going out for breakfast, but this bookstore has a coffee shop, yes?"

"Yeah, but what's Tony doing--oh no."

"What is it?"

"Meet me at my place. We may have some trouble parking."

**

"Tony? Do you have any idea what time--"

"Palmer! You gotta get to the--"

"Absolutely not. I'm going back to bed. To dream normal things."

**

"Heyyy, you made it!" Tony jogged up to Ziva and Abby, a hardcover book tucked under his arm. "How far away did you have to park?"

"There was a lot down the street," said Ziva. "Abby said that McGee was doing a...?"

"Book signing." He whipped the book from under his arm. "Check it out!"

"Oh man, I didn't even know Rock Hollow was out yet!" Abby made grabby-hands for the book and read the cover flap when Tony handed it over. "You guys at least got a sneak preview of it, but after the whole Landon thing I didn't think about it. Now I get to find out who Amy ended up with..."

Tony grabbed the book back as she started to thumb through it. "Hey!"

"No spoilers, Abbs. Besides, you'll have time to read through your own copy before we get to the front of the line. C'mon! The rabid fans would have skinned me alive if I let you guys cut, so we have to get a place now."

The trio moved to take their place in the growing line, looking around a little warily at their fellow readers.

"It's like an eyeliner and parasol convention," Tony said, glancing appreciatively at the plethora of short, plaid skirts and the legs beneath.

"Not all of them," said Ziva, frowning at the near-equal amount of camo pants and dark ponytails. "Why are they dressed like us?"

"Uh, we're not dressed like you," sneered a voice from behind them, and they all turned to see another Ziva-esque brunette, barely old enough to drive, wearing an expression one tended to reserve for something nasty discovered under the dishwasher. "If you knew your Team Tibbs at all, you'd have done a little better with your cosplay."

Tony held up a forestalling hand at Ziva's impending question. "You know how some sports fans are crazy enough to spray-paint themselves in the team colors for the big game? This is the Deep Six version."

"I do not understand."

"See, you have Lisa's mannerisms down to a T, but the outfit..." said another girl with 'Lisa', this time a collared and pigtailed 'Amy' wearing a homemade Cyborg Libido shirt and a pleated plaid skirt under a white lab coat. "You really could have done better."

Tony stepped between Ziva and 'Amy', flashing his most charming grin down at her. "Trust me, ladies, we're the real deal. Badges and all."

'Amy' curled her lip at him, unimpressed. "Aren't you a little old to be Tommy anyway?"

"What, is there an age limit on who can like the books?" Abby moved to stand with Tony, distracted from her perusal of the new edition and curious about Tim's Number One Fans.

'Lisa' looked at Abby and sighed, explaining as if she were speaking to a small child. "Anyone can like the books, but it takes a truly dedicated Sixer to really understand The Gem's genius."

"Sixer?" Ziva frowned.

"The Gem?" Tony tried to hold back his laughter and, after a moment, failed and earned a few glares from the other fans in line.

'Amy' and 'Lisa' looked at each other and shook their heads. "Newbs."

Tony wiped the tears from his eyes and coughed his last laugh as Abby shifted her weight from one foot to the other. "So educate us," she said. "What do Sixers talk about online?"

As they inched forward in line, the two teenagers explained the ins and outs of the Sixer-hood, and the three of them were soon engrossed in the worlds that Deep Six fans had designed around only one book, and still more worlds being 'retconned' and 'reimagined' when Rock Hollow had hit the shelves. They peppered the pair of them with questions as their condescension disappeared with the opportunity to discuss their obvious passion for the work.

"So what makes a shipper different than a slasher?"

"Wait, people ship McGregor with Lisa? Really?"

Abby and Ziva glanced at each other, a touch intrigued at the idea that people wrote 'femmeslash' about the two of them, prompting a leer from Tony that turned into a yelping wince when Ziva pinched him, hard.

Tony shuddered at the implications of 'McTommy'. "Tommy with Tibbs maybe I could see, but McGoober? I think I need a shower after this."

The mention of Tommy/Tibbs prompted a whole slew of new information from 'Amy' and 'Lisa' that served to alternately widen their eyes and redden their faces.

"Do you think Gibbs even owns a whip?" Ziva looked at Tony with a little smile as they neared the table where Tim was signing and smiling at the gathered fans.

"Better hope not, DiNozzo."

All five of them jumped and turned to see Gibbs had joined them in line, a cup of coffee in one hand and a copy of Rock Hollow under his arm.

"Oh my god, your Tibbs is perfect!" 'Lisa' said with a little squeal as he gave Abby a one-armed hug. "Where did you find that hoodie? None of the surplus stores have it and I keep getting booted off HomePress for trying to put the Marine Corps logo on by myself."

'Amy' had her own gushing to do as well, ignoring the frown and the stare. "We're still looking for a Tibbs to round out our chapter of Deep Sixers, but we don't know anyone that old." She sighed wistfully. "You really are perfect."

"Boss!"

They'd finally reached the table, and the exclamation blinked Gibbs out of his bewildered stare at the two teenagers. He set his book in front of Tim. "Big turnout," he said hoarsely after a long sip of his coffee and another look at 'Amy' and 'Lisa'.

"Glad you came," said Tim, his smile disappearing and his Sharpie freezing at the sight of the three other grinning faces. "You all came?"

"Couldn't miss a chance to meet 'The Gem'." Tony smiled the smile of a man armed with another three years worth of mocking ammunition. "Just make mine out to Tommy--ow!" He rubbed the back of his head as the two girls squealed about the 'Tibbs-slap' behind them.

"When you write a best-selling series, you two can compare notes. You want an autograph or not?"

Tony slid his book across to Tim with a sulky frown to Tim's smug little smile and stepped back to wait for the others.

"Congratulations, McGee," Ziva said when it was her turn. "I look forward to reading this draft over the first." Her smile softened the memory of the reason they'd read it in the first place, and Tim signed her copy with a flourish.

Abby pouted as she presented her copy. "I never did get an advance copy. I still don't know who Amy ended up with after her and McGregor broke up."

Tim's reply was drowned out by the loud squeal that erupted from their line companions, and as he signed her book the crowd control Boundaries employee ushered them all towards the exit.

"Did I hear right back there?" Tony said when they were all outside. "Is Deep Six being optioned into a movie?"

"No!" Abby said, "You're kidding! We can't lose Timmy to Hollywood!"

"You know what this means." Tony grinned at the other three, even in the face of Gibbs' cool-eyed stare. "Casting lunch! C'mon, my treat, because Cruise is too crazy and Crowe isn't even awesome enough to play me."

Gibbs sidled up to Tony as they headed for their respective cars. "This to keep Abby from reading the book till later?"

"If we want McShipper to live another day, we'd better be prepared to do anything, Boss."

**********************

Current Mood: geeky

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From:

azarsuerte.livejournal.com

*cracks up*

I think you've officially written the NCIS version of Galaxy Quest. Excellent satire that did indeed make me laugh out loud at points. :-)

From:

And if I die today...

NCIS Fic - "Authenticity"

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